Sad Tears of Desperation

We are being "harrassed" by our current apartment complex.

Hello LenaBena,

Here are the top 10 reasons why you should STAY:

1. WE APPRECIATE YOU & WANT YOU TO STAY! Oh good for you!
2. You won't have to clean out every closet and drawer in your place. I have to do that anyway on about a monthly basis.
3. You don't have to buy boxes and pack up everything you own. Jokes on you! I still have my boxes from the last move.
4. We are so close to all the best "fun" in town! Love the " " around the word FUN. Because what's more "fun" than a Whataburger and two gas stations?
5. WE APPRECIATE YOU & WANT YOU TO STAY! You don't say? See #1
6. Your car already knows how to get here without you thinking! Whoa! When did I become Tom Cruise in Minority Report?!
7. You know where everything is in your neighborhood grocery store! That's the thing about a chain grocery... It's all mapped out the same.
8. You have a great dry cleaner and a convenient membership at the local gym or video store! You don't know me!
9. This is your home and you have great friends that live here too! ... HAAAAAHAHAHAHAhaaaaaaaa!!!!! What friends? The ones that were aiming the gun or the ones being aimed at?
10. WE APPRECIATE YOU & WANT YOU TO STAY! See #s 1 & 5 I guess you couldn't come up with ten actual reasons for us to stay. That's why I'm leaving!

Make the right decision and STAY! Call us today to sign a new lease and reserve your apartment for another year!

Sincerely,

Your Team at Desperate Apartment Complex

This is not the first email or other contact we have gotten from them begging us to stay. This is ridiculous. They weren't ready for us to move in, they're not ready for us to move out.