Mishmash

Getting my CHL. I had been wanting it since last summer. A couple years ago, I took my dog for a walk one evening. I saw a man walking down the street. I took Polly in and got ready to take a shower. A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door. Good thing Ryan answered the door. The guy ran off. I'm certain I'd not be here, or be in bad shape if I'd opened that door. But I'll feel safer being able to protect myself it the need arises.

I passed the test and the shooting portion. I'm an awesome shot nor only having shot a rifle once over 10 years ago. Even the instructor commented on my shooting. Now I want a glock. I really loved shooting the gun. There are other things that I need to do to get the CHL. Spend money, fingerprints, mail pages then good to go. Totally upping my BA level a few notches.

~*~

We went to the Dallas Burlesque Festival this year. I'm so glad we went. Burlesque is coming back! Are there misconceptions? Yes. People think it's like Christina Aguilera and Cher's movie. Nope, that's just a filmed concert with a story. People also think it's stripping. Eh, sort of. Yes, the performers take of their clothes. But the difference is that burlesque dancers dance for entertainment. Strippers dance for money. Can burlesque be sexual? Yes. But it can also be funny and quirky.

A couple weeks after the DBF, Ryan found a groupon for the Ruby Room Studio. They put on the DBF. So we bought some classes for me. I've been taking classes at a studio more locally for quite some time and I really enjoy it.

Do I ever really intend to perform? I'd like to. It's on my 'bucket list'. Do I see it happening? Probably not. But, who knows. I sure am having fun though.

On that note, I've been getting interested in the retro look. Hair and makeup from the 40s and 50s. I got my hair figured out. Hot rollers and all. Love it! And I decided to pile on all the really red lipsticks I've got. And it's amazing. I used to think I couldn't wear it. But apparently I can and I can wear it well. I wish I could do it every day.

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Smash Journal
This isn't something that I'm obsessed about or really interested in. But there's a new thing going around. It's like a mix between a scrapbook and a journal. It's also called a junk journal. The premise behind it is that anything can go in it. Who needs rules, right? There's no wrong way to do it. But looking online, it seems that there's only one right way to do it. Cutesy scrapbook style with pretty ephemera. And there's a company that caters to this. Oooooooof course there is. Because someone has to make money off of everything. What happened to just putting together whatever you want without the guidance of sticky notes that require you to list ten books you want to read or what you're currently wearing. Why buy it when you can make it for free? Oh, because it looks cool? Oh, other people have it? Oh, you can hear my eyeballs rolling from three miles away? Great. While a catchall book looks great and interesting. I'm fairly certain that you don't have to buy into the products that are shoved down your throat.

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The Civil Wars
I love this band. I've had their album for quite some time. I hit someone's tumblr and she posted Barton Hollow. I instantly got the album. And I cannot get them out of my mind! I want to see them in concert.

Productivity Report

Apparently I have this feeling that I am ahead of the game and thus do not need to do any actual work. Far from it. I am behind. And I won't be caught up for the rest of the week. So the plan is to fake it until I make it. I'll be fine. There are just a few time consuming things that I absolutely must do though. Grade papers. I have a large stack of worksheets that need to be graded. And here I sit, writing about procrastinating. I've got things on my mind, okay?

I have been having some very vivid dreams lately. Most of which relate to my recently passed aunt. I believe in the meanings of dreams when they seem extra real to me. Not the type of dreams in which you cannot discern reality. Not the types of dreams where one thing means something else. Let's leave Freud out of that, please. If it's a dog, it's a dog. For instance, I had an overwhelming amount of dreams while pregnant that my baby was a girl. Didn't find out the sex until her birthday. So I think there's something there. Tangent.

Point is, I've been having dreams about my aunt. She's visiting to tell me she's okay or just checking in. Do I believe this? On some level. It is a comfort to have those dreams. But we can all fool ourselves into believing something. I think I'm also having those dreams because I feel guilty. She helped raise me and once I started dating my husband, contact with her just stopped. No, it isn't his fault. I feel guilty that even though I had time to, I didn't visit with her. Then I question, what right do I have to miss her and grieve as much as I am? Every time that I think about her, I become emotional. Not outwardly, but still I get sad.

The past six months or so have been full of death in my family. My mother's oldest brother. One of my mom's brother-in-law. Her sister. And most recently, my cousin's husband whose death is extremely shocking. He was younger than me and he had no medical problems that I'm aware of.

And this is the point at which I shut down. This is my train of thought. And I need to pull myself out of this slump. This depressing line of thinking. There is life. Life that is being made. Life that is new. Life that needs to be lived.

And I'm trying to really live.