Internal Debate

I'm debating whether or not I should write about some drama. I guess the debate is over since I'm putting it out there. It's important. It's pretty huge. It's not like I have a readership anyway. And it's not like it's a huge secret - it was broadcast over all the news stations. I want to be as delicate as possible with this. And it all ties together in the end. The beginning of it is that I just want to get it out of my head. So I don't have to think about it anymore. So I can move on to other things that need addressing. I feel this is going to be a long post.

My brother got married a couple years ago. They are not financially stable which necessitated the new couple's living with my parents.They decided to start their own family. My nephew was born in October 09 and had health issues that was nearly fatal. He had to undergo surgery to save his life. Obviously health insurance only covers so much and the bills were rolling in.

I contacted my parents asking if they'd like to come visit for Easter and was told that there had just been too much happening. They wouldn't be able to make the trip. Understandable. One of the things was that my sister-in-law had been robbed while making deposits for the company she worked for. She quit the job because she knew they'd fire her anyway. Her parents got mad at her and took her car. Begs the question, why would parents of an adult take an automobile from their child when they quit a job? How will that person find another job? And more questions rise with that one situation.

A week goes by and I hear that she was not robbed at all. She stole the money, lied about it, then confessed and was arrested. A big question that went off in my head was "WHY?"

I knew the answers already:

• They aren't financially stable
• The baby's medical bills 
• Handling a large company's money sure is tempting
• Postpartum Depression

To my knowledge, these are her reasons. I don't think (or I just haven't been told) she has said exactly why she did it. Could she have done something else? Certainly. Would it have been any easier than what she decided to do?  Probably not.

So it got me to thinking... Were I in her position, would I do what she did? I don't know. I'm sure I would consider it and come close to doing it. All I can say now is that their family is now put into an even worse situation. She stole a lot of money from a large corporation. And is going to prison. What company would hire her after that? It will be extremely difficult. So what is my position? She was trying to help her family, but how she did it (tried to do it) was pretty stupid. Do I hate her? No. Am I ashamed and disappointed? Yes. I'm shocked and probably still in the denial stage. I still can't believe it's happening to my family. Will I support her? Yes. I still love her. I wish she had the resources I have. But a time machine doesn't exist.

In all honesty, I think I've caught myself before getting anywhere near this route. I've suffered with depression and was on medication for about 3 years. I managed to wean myself from the pills and went on to lead a perfectly symptom free life for about 4 years. Then I got pregnant and started to worry... would I end up dealing with postpartum depression because of my history?

I have been feeling more and more pessimistic, angry, and hopeless. I haven't been sleeping well and have been skipping meals. My outlook on life has dwindled. I'm a type-a personality and I've become increasingly stressed with work and this family issue. And I had been having some suicidal thoughts. So I decided to make the call. I talked to my doctor and I am back on some medication. I am not thrilled with this. I don't really remember my life on previous medication. It was a terrible time in my life. But I'm doing what I have to do to keep my family strong and together. I'm doing what I have to do for my sanity and myself. Now, If I could take care of the other issues I am facing, everything would be just great. But that's a completely different story.

I am not proud that I am in the pits of hell once again. I'm not writing about this for personal attention. I'm writing this to show people that postpartum depression is real. It causes rational, good people to think/do irrational, stupid things. PPD is damaging. And here I leave you with the public service announcement that you should get yourself checked or talk to someone if you think you may have PPD or depression in general.

More information:
Women's Health - Depression During and After Pregnancy
Postpartum.net