That Was [Arabican], Butthead*

This, you absolutely lovely folks, is my first ever coffee maker. 

I've been drinking coffee for a couple of years now so why the hell am I just now getting one of these things?

Well, in our house, some things are full-assed instead of half-assed. Meaning we buy whole beans, grind them, boil a kettle of water, and steep the beans in a French press. And while this is renders a tasty cup of joe, it is time consuming, noisy, and the very fine grounds make for a thick cup of mud. 

I'm a lazy beast and sometimes (a lot of times) I want coffee nowish. 

*There's a movie quote in these somewhere.