Spoons

There's something called the spoon theory. It gives people an idea how people suffering with lupus spend their time. The spoons represent choices to be made. You only have so many choices you can make - only so many spoons to spend. 

I have spoons. I don't know how many spoons I have. Shame. But once my spoons are gone, I start to shut down or I cry or I lash out. I want to throw my spoons and give up. Sometimes I want to gingerly lay my spoons down and silently walk away. A lot of days, those spoons need straightening, organizing, shining, reordering, and straightening again before I can spend them. 

Today, I am tired. Standing exhausts me. Getting out of bed is physically draining. Somehow, I manage to work through the day. Spoons.