Pumpkin Silk Pie and Whipped Cream

Good afternoon folks, this is your Captain, Sass with an Ass, speaking. Welcome aboard my flight because shit is about to get real. Your panties will wad up. Don't worry. Once I turn off the fasten-seatbelt sign, you're free to move about the cabin and hoist that wedgie right out your crack. You know what your Mommas say about the heat in the kitchen. Can't stand my flying? I hope you have a parachute. So, now that we have asserted ourselves, let's have some fun. M'kay?

I don't convey myself - my self - on this blog. I want to open up and talk to you like I would really talk. How many people read this anyway? (Hi Joy! I know you do! I hope you keep reading!)

I grabbed the recipe for Pumpkin Silk Pie from here. But technically it was though Pinterest. Because, Pinterest. Okay? My go-to source for pretty much everything. And so help me, if you aren't following me on Pinterest.

It's Fall. It's Autumn. It's Pumpkin Season for crying out loud. Pumpkin. Fucking. Silk. Pie. All of those words should send you into a coma around this time of year.

Tangent? Okay! I used to hate pumpkin. I don't know why. I guess because I grew up with that. If Momma doesn't like it, Momma doesn't cook it, and Momma sure as shit isn't going to serve it to you. Once upon a time, my husband and I were shopping and came across a sample of pumpkin chiffon pie. It was all downhill from there. Pop tarts, lattes, bread. You name it, I've probably eaten it. 

So that recipe calls for Cool hWhip, Stewie. Fucking Cool hWhip. That shit ain't right. Have you read the ingredients? Nothing real is walking around in that tub of fake. Even on the organic tubs. Crap. Just crap. Just like margarine and Crisco. Those assholes. I don't know why I'm even throwing out respect by capitalizing their proper names. 

Would you like to learn some chemistry? Because that's what they're doing to things. They chemistry the shit out of something that doesn't exist and you eat it. They add a hydrogen atom to the chemical chains to stabilize it, throw in another chemical (high fructose corn syrup), add some more stuff that isn't real, and some people call that food. 

And just because there's a heart beating somewhere in my chest, I'm going to draw this for you so you can understand. I promise I don't think you're stupid. Pictures help me. Visuals. Imagery. 

If you are me, the words "fuck that shit" just toppled out your jaw. Lucky for you, I'm making you do extra work. Don't worry, I've done this tons of times. Just relax, it won't hurt. I promise. Go see Alton's recipe. God, I get it. You're almost as lazy as I am. Fine. I'll put that recipe here too. Jeezus. 

So let's make this longer, shall we?

First, make yourself some fresh whipped cream. Second, make the pumpkin fucking silk pie. And don't make a graham cracker crust, either. The ginger snaps and pumpkin anything are BFFs or lovers, even. Yeah. They're lovers. 

Three, hope like hell you don't just smear that all over yourself. It's damn good. 

Damnit! Put your top down. This ain't no Kitchen Aid's Gone Wild. 

I didn't think I'd be writing about it so there are zero process photos. 

I could say sooooo many inappropriate things here. But I am actually going to hold my tongue. 

Now this isn't Stan. 

But Phil here, Phil is so edible. And delectable. And happy to be food. Real food. 

And now for those pesky recipes that you're too lazy to click to their original sources.

Whipped Cream
Ingredients

• 2 tablespoons sugar
• 1 cup heavy whipping cream

Directions

• Place a metal mixing bowl and metal whisk into the freezer for 10 to 15 minutes.
• Place the sugar into the mixing bowl and add the whipping cream. Whisk just until the cream reaches stiff peaks. Store any unused portion in an airtight container for up to 10 hours. When ready to use, rewhisk for 10 to 15 seconds.

Pumpkin Silk Pie
Ingredients

• 32 gingersnaps
• ¼ cup butter, melted
• ¼ cup sugar
• 8 oz package cream cheese, softened
• 2 tsp vanilla
• ½ tsp pumpkin pie spice
• 1 cup powdered sugar
• 1 cup pumpkin

• 16 oz Cool Whip
• 8 oz containter Cool Whip to use for decoration, if desired

Directions

• Finely crush 32 ginger snaps.
• Mix in melted butter and sugar.
• Press into springform pan.
• Bake at 325 degrees for 5 minutes.
• Beat softened cream cheese until light and fluffy.
• Add the powdered sugar, pumpkin, vanilla and pumpkin pie spice; beat until smooth.
• Fold in one large container of whipped topping and spread into the springform pan.
• Place in the fridge for a couple of hours over overnight to allow it to set up.
• Remove the springform pan sides and top with additional whipped topping.
• Sprinkle with pumpkin pie spice.

God help me if you use cool hwhip after I schooled your ass. Alton's recipe will make enough for this recipe. Double that if you want extra for, um, later.

The Day I Replaced the Garbage Disposal

So I got up this morning after a troubled night. Oh hooray for me. I figured it would be a horrible day. So I went ahead and got on with my day. Breakfast and run the dishwasher. After I got the washer going, I noticed water back up into the sink. The disposal usually fixes that so I ran it and it sounded off. I looked under the sink and...

Oh gross. The towel had been there because the disposal had been leaking and "it didn't seem bad" or "it wasn't leaking a while ago. Out of sight, out of mind.

At least there wasn't an awful stench.

To my dismay, I saw it was leaking while the disposal was going and I decided to get a good look and found this. That, my friends, is a huge crack spraying water. That isn't a leak at all.

So some texts later, I was told to go get a new disposal and wait til later or tomorrow. Nah. Ain't got no bla bla bla. I decided I'd do it myself. 

Water off? Check.

Electricity? Eh. Ellipses.

I had to forage for that sucker. I moved a few things around. Then it took about 10 minutes figuring out exactly which switch did what. Because some losers didn't label. Lazy labeling make more work.

Empty the sink of nasty water? Ew. Fine.

Make sure there are some experts somewhere.

And the fun began. I unplugged the disposal, disconnected the dishwasher drain and then the pipe.

After that, I had to get the badger disconnected from the flange and such. I was stuck so I had to research how the carnfarnded thing dismantled. Once that was solved, everything else was like buttah.

I had to disconnect the power cord because those things just aren't handed out right and left, you know.

I also had to get the flange doomahickey out of the sink hole. Helloww down therre!

New flange needs new play doh. Uh, silly putty. Cripes! Putter's plumby. No? Plumber's Putty! Those kindergarten skill DO come in handy!

Oh my, I didn't even realized what this looked like folks. AVERT YOUR EYES! Sorry about that, folks. 

(sortof)

New flange thingy! Shiney!

Because the instructions CLEARLY says that ALL power cords label everything as hot and neutral (that almost sounds kind of sexy, doesn't it?). Lazy labelers make more work.

Again, more research but Google First Page doesn't quite answer me so I refer to my previously taken photo of the same thing. This is where I'm glad I decided to document this experience. Otherwise, there'd have been some random ratio of a chance that my house would be burned down. S'mores, anyone?

Yes, that's me. Yes, I am magically wingardium leviosa-ing the hell out of a 20 some-odd pound piece of appliance. I had my little goblin work the magical moment capturing gadget so there'd actually be a shot of me in it. Better having her work that thing than another thing.

It's in! I did it! All by myself. It was fun. I'm proud of me!

Aaaaand then I had to clean this up.

Friday-Night-Lights Sort Of

Otherwise titled: I Had A Post but My Phone Eated It

Fall makes me feel nostalgic. I've always loved the first of school. School Supplies. Football games. Marching practice.

There's a marked difference in the community that I live in and the community I used to live in.
Middle Schools
Don't celebrate homecoming in the school.
There are no pep rallies every Tuesday for the football team including cheerleaders, marching band (instead of an orchestra), class spirit yells, twirlers.
The marching bands and cheerleaders don't participate or even go to the middle school games.
There is no connection to the high school.

Because Gosh Darn-it, that's how it was when I was coming up.

I had a homecoming mum pretty much every year since the age of 10.
I loved middle school pep rallies and I remember my school song because of it.
We had a halftime show at our home games. The marching band marched, the twirlers twirled, and it was a fun night had by all.
Every Friday was "black and gold" day - everyone wore the high school colors.
The middle school mascots were tied to the high school mascot (Canines & Bullpups to Bulldogs).

But I do have to give it to the schools here.
The high school homecoming events include a mini carnival with games and stuff.

It's the Little Things

I have to grasp at straws some days to figure out what to do with Ivy. Today was a new one.
I took her to two parks and then I thought we would just drive around.

We ended up close to a farm - not very much unlike the farm with the horses that we regularly visit. The cow was munching on some hay about 50 yards away. Ivy asked me to call it over. I started clicking like while calling the horses. Then I whistled. The cow looked at us and slowly but surely came to visit us at the fence.

He delicately lowered his head so we could give him some petting. The only problem were his horns! I'd have to duck when he turned to scratch and he ended up knocking Ivy over.

But she loved it. She loves animals. We love animals.

Fun Nite Out!

I could add this to my 40 Before 40!

I'd label this as "Never Done This."

So, I've never done a painting party. One group calls is Painting With A Twist. This one is called PaintNite. A large group of people get together at a local restaurant and paint the prescribed painting (or venture away from it).

I'm not an artist but I can sketch and doodle. 

This is what it was "supposed" to look like. These colors here are playing tricks on you. It's a lot of pink. 

Starting out with a laaarge blank canvas. Intimidating. 

My buds!

This reminded me of the little mermaid. 

I wasn't happy with the brush technique so I started finger painting!

I think it looks odd. 

Action shot!

Progress

Friend Lyn's painting. 

I like how small her tree and leaves turned out. 

My finished product. 

And on the mantle. I wanted it to look like fall leaves. 

And photos by our instructor. 

Beep Beep Jeep!

I'm not very sure how it started. We got back home from visiting family this summer and Ivy started pointing out Jeeps. By name! 

She always is excited when she sees one - especially if it is an unexpected color. Any time I drive her, I make sure to point out Jeeps if she doesn't see them before I do. She has mentioned that she wants one. She asks what [type of terrain] they can drive on. 

I have even asked if my cousin would take her for a ride in her Jeep but the opportunity never came up. 

But she finally got behind the wheel of one the other day. 

Dear Jeep-Chrysler,

My child loves Jeeps. Please hook her up in about 12 years. 

Thanks,

A Mom

PS: Would you just look at that smile?

Grapefest

I found out about Grapefest through an e-newsletter. Since they were having free admission days, I decided to take Ivy.

I spent $20 for ride tickets. She rode a ride by herself, and I rode two with her. I mainly took her because SeaLife and LegoLand both had a kids area. It wasn't spectacular, but kids were entertained! The attractions for the kiddos were a small touch tank, Lego build areas, a stage that had minute-to-win-it games going on and a petting zoo. 

The midway (games and rides) was smaller than I'm used to. Instead of a thoroughfare of food venders, it was full of artisans. Leather bracelets! Your name carved in wood! Glass mosaics! Chachkies galore. Wine tasting bar tents. Many with a wine theme because Grapevine + Grapefest = wine. 

There was even a booth for grape stomping but it wasn't open. The downtown area is nice and I intent on visiting again during a normal day. 

But, let's look at pictures!