Somehow Still Alive

Holy shit, what was I thinking!?

My overweight, underheight, arthritic body that voluntarily clutches itself into random muscular spasms went ice skating recently at the request of my darling, beloved child. I obliged because I am The Most Awesome Mother of the Universe - a title I humbly hold close to my cold and withering heart. 

I was going to take her to The Mall for this but I found a rink that was much closer and not quite as overpriced as all get-out. 

I've only been ice skating two times in my life prior to this - the most recent of which was just a smidge over twenty years ago. Again, I ask the universe, what in the exact hell was I thinking!?

Oh. Right. Let's talk about something. I'm tired of sitting around doing about as much as a ninety-something year-old lil-ol-lady. I want to liiiiiive!! So I'm carrying that over to my miniature human. If there's an experience that she wants, we are going to create some awesome fucking memories.
Memories > things. 

And I present to you, her experience. 

We drove ("werrrrrrrr this is taking foreverrrrrrrr"). 

We stood in line ("Stop touching it. Stay over here. That's going to fall. On you."). 

We put on our skates ("I can't stand uuuuup!!! I can't waaaaallllk!"). 

We got on the ice ("wooAaoooh! I can't ev-he-he-en!!!!").

*Trumpets blairing as Our Savior swoops in*

"Does she need this {PVC "walker" thing}?"

"OHMYLORDTHANKYOUYES!!!"

Fun was had by all. Until....

Ehhhhhh shitballs. My ice skates were about forty-thousand times too damn small myfeetaresostupid. And I was feeling it. I changed my skates and went back on the ice. But my feet were still feeling those other skates. Memory of an elephant, those two. 

All-in-all, our trip included only one slip (hers, not mine), a lot of out-of-shape sweating and heavy breathing, and happiness and excitement.

We just got settled in the car and were leaving the parking garage when up from the back seat arose such a question...

"Can we go ice skating again?"

What have I done?!

Do you see this shit right here? Skating against the flow of traffic. Girl dances to the beat of her own drum. Rules? What rules? Bwahahaha!